Well, we didn't have a great night for our varsity teams tonight. Volleyball was defeated in 3 straight games vs a tough Woodlan team. Both Boys and Girls Soccer teams were defeated by Dekalb. I haven't seen the final scores but I think the Boys lost 5-0.
I was talking to Coach Richardson tonight after the game and one of the Woodlan Coaches came up and said our girls did a good job tonight. Good Job? We got beat in 3 straight games! It fueled a discussion about whether we should say "Good Job" to our athletes and coaches when we clearly did not do a good job. I am not being critical of our volleyball team. They were down 3-11 in the first game and fought back to really make a game of it. In the last game they were down 13-21, came back and lost 24-26. But Coach Richardson was not happy because of the inconsistent play by our team. She was frustrated because she believes are a better team than we played tonight. So, should we tell the girls they did a "Good Job" tonight? Woodlan is a top ranked team in our conference and state in 2A. But, we clearly had opportunities to win and did not play up to the potential Coach Richardson thinks we can achieve.
I don't pretend to have the answer to this question. But when a competitive athlete has someone tell them they did a good job, when they know they didn't, it's a hollow compliment. So what do you say? When you're on your way home from the game what do you say?'
One approach could be ask questions. "How do you think you did tonight? It could lead to other questions like, "What could you have done to play better? If they feel like they played their best and still lost, it might be helpful to find out why they think they lost. If they start blaming other teammates, I think it is important to ask again"What can YOU do to help your teammates perform better?"
Sometimes you have a kid who doesn't want to talk about it. Sometimes it takes a while for them to analyze the game in their own mind. In that case, questions are not a good idea.
The most important thing is to let them know in some way that you love and support them no matter what. You aren't more proud of them because they played well and your not less proud of them for playing bad. Your love is not based on how well they perform. Their effort and their desire to continually work to improve their weaknesses should alway be the focus. What can they do to get better?!
Like I said, I don't claim to have all the answers, but just thought I would provide some ideas!
I agree with your comment that the most important thing is we support them no matter what. I don't think any of our kids step out on to a court or field not wanting to win and do their best. Sometimes the competition is just better than us or just having a better night. Winning is not always a score, but did we do our best and give 110%. This attitude will carry them through life. As a parent of a VB player, I am impressed at what our coaches have attained. The girls said this summer, we may not win many games (this seems funny now since they are doing well!!), but we will have fun. I am glad they can win AND enjoy the game at the same time.
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